Welcome to my new blog. If you are reading this, and you are not a member of my family, you have honestly overcome all of my expectations for this project. So, thank you!
What This Is
Put simply, this is a space where I am just going to share all the crazy thoughts and connections that I make. Sometimes I'll be writing about how laning in League of Legends is a great illustration of sanctification. Sometimes it might be how I've See The Light from Tangled is one of the best worship songs ever! Sometimes it might be how Rand al'Thor shows us what it's like to deal with the sin nature, or how Treebeard can teach us the beauty of patience. Basically, this project is whatever I am thinking about or feeling being put down and shared here.
The Problem
But there has been a problem with doing this project over the past five years. The problem: every other time I started, I gave up because I was too disappointed in my writing, or felt too inadequate in my thoughts, or just felt like I was saying things that other people in the world have said better. And so I gave up.
So, why even try starting again? Well, three things have happened recently that have led me to actually start taking this thing seriously.
1. I've Been Teaching
For the last two years, I have been working as a Computer Science teacher. One thing that I have told my students over and over again is that there is no shame in trying something and failing. In fact, failure is how we learn what not to do. Failure allows us to debug our programs and create even more robust solutions. Failure allows us to learn and to grow. But there is a problem. While I firmly believe all of that as a teacher, my past experience of giving up on my projects proves I don't really believe it as a person. As we have been reading Mark in class and seeing Jesus call people out on their hypocrisy, I have been convicted that I need to let go of my hypocrisy and give this another shot.
2. I've Been Reading
I just finished an amazing book: Seeing Green: Don't Let Envy Color Your Joy by Tilly Dillehay. One of the (many) things that God showed me through Dillehay's work was the backward pride that not pursuing this project was being festered in me. I absolutely love being a fan of creative works. And between my friends, family, and students, I am constantly surrounded by brilliant, creative, and talented creators. Add to that, the Internet has opened me up to an unimaginable wealth of creativity and wonders. This has just fed my insecurities and feelings of inferiority. As such, every time I start to make something, I look at the other works on the Internet and say, "Nothing I ever make will be THAT cool! I should just leave this to the creative people out there." All the while, I'm desperate to produce something. Tilly (I think it's okay to use her first name, if that's too familiar, I'm sorry!) hit me right between the eyes to show me that envy had wormed its way into my heart. While I genuinely love being a fan, my desire to share that creative glory distances me from truly reveling in the beauty around me. Every time I enjoy something, the part of me that wants to make something rears up. That needs to die. That needs to be killed. And one of the ways to do that is to be vulnerable. To make something. Will it be good? Probably not. Will it be seen by anyone? Probably not. Does that matter? Nope.
3. I've Been Praying
For years now, I've been trying to figure out how to express my passions in a manner to glorify my God. I love fantasy and gaming alongside patristics and biblical theology. I love movies and praying. So often I experience deep worship and connection with Christ through Disney music rather than through Sunday Morning worship songs. Recently, I have been feeling like God has given me gifts, talents, and education, and I don't know how to properly steward those gifts. In my prayer time, doing this project keeps coming back to mind. Personally, I have a hard time knowing when it's me and my desires guiding my heart and thoughts, and when it is God's will and calling. So, for the last few months I have offered God this prayer: If you are wanting me to do this, don't let the thought get out of my head. Keep nagging me. Don't let me forget. If it is from me - let life just sweep it away. It's still here. So here I am.
Here We Go
I don't really want to do this. All my fears and insecurities and proud desires all swirl around me as I am writing this. But what I believe matters more than what I feel. I believe that God made me in His image. I believe that He is the Creator God, and that part of reflecting Him is the gift of sub-creation. I believe that God has made me unique. Even if my thoughts, experiences, or writing are reductive or derivative, there is still value in offering my version. I believe that there is good in the world. When God created all things, He made them good. When humanity fell into sin, the Image of God was broken, shattered even, but it was not destroyed. As such, while the things we make are twisted and distorted, there are the seeds of good in them, there are the echos of the Story. Part of the ministry of reconciliation that we have been given is the discernment to see the good, to call it forth, and to redeem it through the truth of the Gospel. Christ's blood covers all sin, Christ's truth breaks all lies, and Christ's light illuminates all darkness. As such, there is nothing to fear in engaging the things in our culture, as long as we take what is given lightly and subject it all to the Lord of All.
What is the purpose of this site? To see Christ anywhere and everywhere I can. Are all things intended to point to Him? Nope. But can we redeem them and use them to see Him? I think so.
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